Quickie Review: TAI CHI HERO (2012)

Warning: Mild spoilers ahead.

Having just seen and reviewed TAI CHI ZERO, I was psyched and ready to pop my theatrical screener of TAI CHI HERO (obtained from the generous folks at Well Go USA) into my Blu-ray player. When we left our main characters, Lu Chan was lying helpless in a semi-coma after aiding in the defeat of the misguided Fang Zi Jing.

Unable to defend himself in any sense, its up to Master Chen and his daughter Yu Niang to plead on Lu Chan's behalf, as he stands accused of stealing Chen-style kung-fu. Nothing seems to change the mind of the village council who prepare to make it impossible for Yang to practice kung-fu ever again.... by severing his tendons with a fig bucking sword!

Luckily Yu Niang steps in and declares that she will marry the lovably moronic Lu Chan; by making him family, he will have technically broken no sacred laws! The two are quickly wed, only to have their wedding crashed by Zai Yang, Yi Niang's older brother, and his mute Japanese wife. Zai Yang's arrival kicks off yet another plot to  peacefully clear out Chen Village by acting on the superstitious beliefs of the villagers. Naturally the plan doesn't quite work out, leading to another invasion by the misguided Fang Zi Jing, who shows up with an army and a half dozen cannons.

Will the fully trained Lu Chan (now seemingly healed of his "Three Blossoms of the Crown" and no longer an idiot), his wife Yu Niang, and his father-in-law, Grand Master Chen, be able to foil another violent attack on the peace-loving village? Will Western military technology and training trump ancient martial arts wisdom? Will aid come from an unexpected source? Or will Fang finally triumph and have his revenge against the people he blames for the death of his lover? Well.... all I can tell you is that this movie is set up for  yet another sequel, and I greatly welcome it!

TAI CHI HERO is a much tonally different movie from the first one; it's definitely a more serious film. In the first movie, Lu Chan was none too bright and constantly getting his butt kicked. You really wanted him to succeed, but at the same time you couldn't help but enjoy his failures. In this film, he's attained his quest for the most part, healed himself, and is now really.... dull. He's totally calm, cool, collected, serene, and not in danger of randomly going into "demon mode" or dying from his affliction. Now he's just a two-dimensional good guy that makes me want to yawn.

Luckily the wayward villains of this film keep things going. Stephen Fung (Fang Zi Yang) yet again turns in a good performance as Fang Zi Jing. With his career decimated, his honor in question, and the women he loved now dead, Fang is in a pretty dark place in his life and it shows. Using the knowledge that Lu Chan was once a part of the Divine Truth Cult (a rebel sect that fought against the imperial troops of China), Fang manages to gather himself an army and some big guns. He then marches on Chen Village in force to "arrest" Lu Chan and those that aided and abetted him in the destruction of TROY NO.1, which caused the accidental death of his lover.

Then there's Zai Yang, who is only trying to scare off the locals with an ancient prophecy, partially because he has a chip on his shoulder (daddy issues), but mainly because he wants to find a peaceable solution to getting a railroad through the village. He provides us with a character we can relate to, as he left Chen Village in his youth to make his way in the world. Rather than stay home and learn martial arts (which he was never very good at), he leaves to be his own man and become an inventor. This didn't sit well with his father, Grand Master Chen, and it provides for a bit of tension whenever the two of them share the screen.

All in all, I enjoyed TAI CHI HERO, but didn't like it as much as the previous film. It's got a few cool twists, great action sequences, and has a very talented cast. Though the hero has sadly become rather boring, its the other characters in the film that keep things interesting and moving forward. And once the smoke clears during the climactic struggle at the gates of Chen Village during the final act, the film teases us with a really cool setup for the intended third part of this Tai Chi trilogy! (Spoiler: As the film fades to black, we get a very brief look at a STEAMPUNK-THEMED SKULL FORTRESS!)

Though it lacks the fun and energy of the first film, TAI CHI HERO is still a really solid martial arts flick that delivers the goods, and promises us some big things in the next installment. It's definitely worth a look and worthy of:

THREE AND-A-HALF 'RADS'

TAI CHI HERO had a brief theatrical engagement this past weekend in select cities (anyone out there lucky enough to see it?), and is heading to DVD and Blu-ray on July 2nd!

PRE-ORDER THE DVD FROM AMAZON.COM!
PRE-ORDER THE BLU-RAY FROM AMAZON.COM!

Quickie Review: EVIL DEAD (2013)

Note: The review itself will be relatively SPOILER FREE, however, as you near the bottom of this post, you WILL get into spoiler territory.

I was torn on whether or not to say anything about the new EVIL DEAD because everyone and their mother has already shared their thoughts about it online. But seeing as how I can't seem to get the movie out of my head, or avoid any conversation about it, I figured I might as well share my thoughts too.

Though I'm still a bit torn about it, I mostly liked the new EVIL DEAD. It's an enjoyable modern exploitation flick that truly delivers all the gore, violence, and awesome makeup f/x that was promised by its creators. EVIL DEAD follows five young adults who come to a spooky cabin in the woods so that their friend Mia (Jane Levy) can go cold turkey from her heroine addiction.

Naturally this cabin, abandoned for decades, was the scene of a demon cleansing (as you'll discover in the unnecessary opening of the film, which does at the very least set the tone for the rest of the movie), and a certain Book of the Dead was left behind. The hippie-looking nerd of the group named Eric finds the Necronomicon (now lacking a face on its cover and also now completely fireproof) and recites a passage from it (despite a note on the pages saying DON'T READ IT, DON'T THINK IT, DON'T SAY IT!).

This awakens something in the woods, which zooms through the trees and right into Mia, who experiences the franchise's typical tree rape before turning super creepy and violent. The movie then plays out exactly as you expect it would, with demonic forces taking over each person and making them self-mutilate and kill until someone violently stops them. However, the film throws a few twists at us (some of which I'm having a little trouble coming to terms with), and splashes the screen with blood, guts, and bodily dismemberment in numerous scenes that will make you cringe, laugh, and/or cheer!

As far as remakes go, EVIL DEAD is one of the few that gets the formula right. To me, remakes are a necessary evil in an age where every story has already been told over and over again. The important thing is to not only be true to the original, but to somehow improve upon the source material. (This should be Hollywood's rule on remakes: If they can't significantly improve on an older film, then they shouldn't remake it.) And if you can't improve on it, at the very least make it digestible for modern audiences, while giving some love to the fans of the original. But above all, just make a decent movie!

Sam Raimi's classic THE EVIL DEAD is (as of my writing this) 32 years old now, and was ripe for a redo, and I'm pretty content with the one handed to us by producers Sam Raimi and Bruce Campbell. They picked a young cast of relative unknowns, gave an unknown director a shot (Fede Alvarez was basically picked because Raimi loved his short film PANIC ATTACK), and packed the movie with more visceral practical f/x than I could have possibly imagined. (I'm amazed at what made it into the theatrical cut; I cannot WAIT to see the uncut version on Blu-ray later this year!)

And it's the f/x that saves this movie, because otherwise it isn't all that interesting. As it stands, the script for EVIL DEAD is the only real problem with the movie. Some of the dialogue (courtesy of  Diablo Cody I assume) is groan inducing at times, and the characters are all one-dimensional and uninteresting. (And don't give me crap for saying this. An example of a gorefest that has well-written characters is Peter Jackson's DEAD-ALIVE! It is far gorier than EVIL DEAD, but is a solid film that actually gives its main characters a story arc. C'mon, it's basic screenwriting people!) Had it not been for the copious amounts of carnage in the second act of the movie, this would probably be a generic PG-13 demonic possession flick.

While it didn't entirely blow me away, EVIL DEAD is one of the better horror remakes to come out in a long time. If it is a box office success (and I know it will be) that means at least two more sequels, and possibly an Army of Darkness 2 and an Evil Dead 7! So get out there and support this movie horror fans! The gore and grue is totally worth the price of admission, and makes this film worthy of:

THREE AND-A-HALF 'RADS'

Now, there's a few things I'd like to discuss, but it will be HEAVY ON SPOILERS. If you do not want anything ruined for you, stop now and go see the film. If you have seen the movie, or just don't give a damn, then read on. But remember... ye have been warned!

FINAL WARNING! TURN BACK NOW!

Ok, I pretty much liked this movie and I loved the effects and gore but there were a few things I didn't particularly care for.

1.) The opening: A group of people assemble in the basement of the "Evil Dead cabin," to cleanse a young girl of her demonic possessor. For some reason this involves hanging dead cats from the ceiling, torture implements, melty-faced onlookers, and a backwoods swamp-witch glancing through the Necronomicon for tips. It's unnecessary, and feels tacked on, as if someone believed that viewers wouldn't understand why the Book of the Dead was in the cabin or how the whole possession thing worked. Why didn't they just use the stick with some sort of tape-recorder or diary to provide the exposition and set things in motion?

2.) The demons: The Deadites have super creepy eyes now and love to mutilate themselves when they aren't using weapons on their victims. I don't mind that the demonically possessed are using nailguns, machetes, crowbars, etc. to attack the living, but do they have to behave like typical cinematic possession victims and talk dirty like Linda Blair? It's like the filmmakers decided "Hey, our Evil Dead movie could sure use some more Exorcist!"

Also, I'm not sure if I like that contact with a possessed person's bodily fluids leads to characters becoming possessed themselves. Mia is tree-raped, Olivia is puked on, Natalie is bitten, and Eric... well I'm not quite sure. (Perhaps the utility knife in his gut may have had some of Mia's tongue-blood on it?) Demonic possession being transmitted zombie-style totally worked in DEMONS (a.k.a. DEMONI, love that flick!) but it just didn't feel right here.

3.) Mia's resurrection + final showdown with Abomi-Mia (a.k.a. Grudge Gollum): Earlier in the film, we learn that Mia overdosed once, died, and was resuscitated with a defibrillator. Later in the film, David (Mia's brother) creates a homemade defib device, then buries his possessed sister alive, because it was the least horrifying method of ridding a person of a demon, according to the Book of the Dead. When he's positive that she's croaked, he jolts her back to life with a car battery... and she's fine?! She had her face partially scalded off with boiling water, she cut her tongue in half, and she received other punishment as well, and all it did was get her off drugs and give her a great complexion?!

Dave dies after rescuing Mia by exploding himself and possessed-hippie Eric, and according to the Necronomicon, five souls are all that is required for the "Abomination" to take physical shape and rise from the Earth. Well let's do a head count: Dave, Eric, Olivia, and Natalie are all dead... so why does Grudge Gollum burst forth from the ground?! Is it because Mia briefly died (seems like a major technicality to me), or is it because Grandpa the Dog was bludgeoned to death offscreen with a hammer earlier in the film? (As we learned from THE GATE, sacrifices don't always have to be human.) And why does the demon look like Mia? Why couldn't it be an awesome monster like the thing that Ash chainsaws in the face during the climax of Evil Dead II?!

 4.) The after-credits stinger: Thanks to Marvel, it seems like every movie that comes out sneaks in an extra scene after the credits are over, usually to set up the next film, or show you what happens to a main (or secondary) character after an ambiguous ending. Not so the case for Evil Dead. I waited eagerly for the credits to finish up because I was told "there was something super cool after the credits are over!" I expected a special cameo, or maybe a setup to the next film. What I got instead was the dramatic silhouette of Bruce Campbell saying "Groovy." Really? I'm all for fan service, and I love The Chin, but that was just...dumb! And I'm not the only one that had the "YEEEEEAHHHHHH.... wait huh?!" reaction to that ten second clip in the theater. Plenty of folks on the web are scratching their collective heads as well.

Once again, I did like the movie and think it's a good start to a hopefully continuing Evil Dead franchise, and I look forward to both the inevitable sequel, and the uncut DVD/Blu-ray. What do you think though? Am I being too hard on EVIL DEAD, or do you agree with my complaints? Did you love it, hate it, or have misgivings of your own? Then comment below or hit me up on Facebook or Twitter.

Quickie Review: Sins of the Dragon (2012)

It's been a while since I've delved into the world of low-budget filmmaking, and I have to admit, a lot has changed over the years. I recall getting VHS tapes of shot-on-video horror films in the mail just over a decade ago. (Showing my age a bit.) Then the VHS tapes were replaced by DVDs (and DVD-Rs), and then Blu-ray discs, but now it seems digital streaming and downloading  is beginning to reign supreme. And it's just not the format that's changing; it's the quality of the productions too!

With film going digital and the equipment to make films being super affordable these days, the kids of yesteryear that shot homemade kung-fu flicks in their backyard with a bulky VHS camcorder, have been replaced with young aspiring filmmakers armed with handycams and digital editing equipment! It's a startling change and definitely one for the better in my opinion.

Which leads me to SINS OF THE DRAGON, a cool kung-fu throwback that pays homage to classic Shaw Bros. fare. Filmed entirely in the woods with a small cast, (much like Ryuhei Kitamura's breakout film VERSUS), SINS OF THE DRAGON is an obvious labor of love for editor/co-star/director/writer Joey Corpora, that often belies it's miniscule budget.

The film begins when the main villain Caligo (the half-hockey-masked swordsman in the film's poster) kills one of the "Four Dragons," aging martial arts masters that were blessed with supernatural powers. By killing them, Caligo gains their powers and becomes an even more potent assassin. However, Caligo's thirst for power has gained him a stalwart foe, namely young Cunri. (Who kind of resembles Ken from Capcom's Street Fighter games now that I think of it.) Cunri was a child when Caligo wiped out his village and murdered his family, causing the orphaned child to take up martial arts training in his quest for revenge.

Joining Cunri on his journey is his war-fan wielding pal Kaia, who is far less bloodthirsty, but more than capable of taking care of herself. Along the way they battle Caligo's numerous, yet mainly useless ninjas (i.e. cannon fodder), and an odd trio of idiotic comic-relief bandits that enjoy eating piss and beans. (Yeah, I'm still scratching my head over that one. Hahaha.) The film eventually boils down to a ninja massacre that leads  to the final showdown between Cunri and Caligo, where truths are revealed, old wounds are healed, and new ones are opened.

SINS OF THE DRAGON runs just under a half-hour, though I've got the feeling that it used to be a bit longer. (Note: According to Joey Corpora, the original cut was at roughly 53 minutes, but was edited down for film festival screenings.) Most of the story is quickly told through exposition (you never get to see Caligo attack Cunri's village or battle it out with two of the other "Four Dragons"), which means that most of the film is made up of kung-fu action! The bulk of the fight choreography in this flick is very well done, with the stars pulling off some crazy moves and stunts. Though there are a few moments where the actors hesitate a bit before delivering a blow, the majority of the fight choreography is fast-paced and almost seamless. (A lot of this is due in part to the editing, which is top notch.)

Kaia and Cunri are about to put a hurtin' on some ninjas!

There is a lot to like in SINS OF THE DRAGON, but there's one glaring thing that didn't quite work for me: The three bandits that capture Kaia. I understand that they are there to a.) provide some laughs and b.) provide a moment where Cunri and Kaia make amends after an argument, but they stall the movie as soon as they show up on the screen. I didn't find them particularly funny, and though they manage to capture Kaia,  I could see her easily escaping from them without Cunri's aid. Truthfully I think it would have made more sense for her to be captured by Caligo and his minions, which would have given our hero even more reason to seek out and destroy his arch-nemesis. Seeing as how the film was heavily trimmed for festival screenings (including scenes where Cunri crosses paths with Sozen), I'm kind of surprised that the halfwit bandits survived the cut; their presence is totally unnecessary.

Despite my misgivings about said characters, I have to say that this is a solid little action flick that rises above its meager budget. (At times it feels like you're watching a demo reel for some up and coming martial artists, but that is no way a bad thing. Just look at Tony Jaa in ONG-BAK; that movie kicks some serious ass but is essentially a glorified demo reel for the rising martial arts star.) SINS OF THE DRAGON runs at a brisk pace, showcases some awesome kung-fu action, and pays tribute to the Shaw Bros.' films of yore with awesomely cheesy sound effects and watery arterial spray! It's an impressive start for first-time director Joey Corpora, and I very much look forward to seeing what else he and his companions pull off in the future, especially if they scrape together a much larger budget.

I enjoyed SINS OF THE DRAGON and gladly give it:

THREE AND-A-HALF 'RADS'

For more info about SINS OF THE DRAGON, visit the Platypus Underground website, and check out the film's IMDB page! And while you're at it, give the trailer a look-see below!

Quickie Review: "The ABCs of Death"

As you may recall, I wrote about "The ABCs of Death" a while back in my last INDIE FILMS YOU SHOULD BE STOKED FOR article. When I first heard of the project, I was quite excited for it. The poster was extremely cool, and the concept was something that hasn't really been done before (at least not on such a large scale). Twenty-six Horror directors signed on, got a letter of the alphabet, and had to come up with a short based off the letter. (For example: A is for Apocalypse.)

Well it came out on Video on Demand this past week, and I couldn't help myself. I just had to give this a look! Plus, I'd rather spend ten bucks now instead of twenty-five later when it came out on Blu-ray, especially if it sucked. Last night, I took the plunge, paid my "pre-theatrical rental" fee, and sat through two hours of total "what the f*ck" cinema.

So how was it you may be wondering? Well... pretty disappointing actually. I'd say that out of the twenty-six shorts, I only really liked about five or six of them. I'm not saying the rest were all horrible, but some were just too weird (all of the Asian ones) or too artsy ("O is for Orgasm") for their own good. Here are some of the better shorts:

C is for CYCLE
This one was kind of cool; I was honestly expecting this one to be C for Clone. Multiple realities merge when a guy witnesses his own murder.... by himself. Is he having a glimpse of the future? Is he about to be replaced by an evil doppelganger or twisted twin brother? It is never really revealed, but hey I'm cool with that because this was a cool idea.

D is for Dogfight
This one was pretty weird. A guy prepares for an underground dogfight against an actual dog. As he and the hound trade blows and bites, they eventually stop and turn on their abusive masters. This was gritty and cool. Still wondering if the guy that was fighting the dog, was actually a dog the entire time?

H is for Hydro-Electric Diffusion
This one was INSANE and I loved it! It's World War II and a fighter pilot walks into a bar to catch a stripshow. The twist? The pilot is an anthropomorphic dog, and the stripper is a fox... literally! It's a twisted cartoon brought to life, with the brave pilot being captured and nearly tortured to death by the Nazi fox-woman in disguise. Is is weird for me to find a weird human/fox hybrid sexy? Hahaha.

This ain't Disney's "Fox and the Hound!"

Q is for Quack
Adam Wingard and Simon Barrett think outside the box on this one. Filmed as a "behind-the-scenes" video of their creation of their "Q short," the two brainstorm but can't come up with anything. Eventually they decide to snuff a duck on camera with some funny results.

T is for Toilet
After sitting through a lot of toilet and sh*t-themed shorts (seriously, a lot of these directors have a toilet/bodily fluids fetish), here was one that I could get behind. Lee Hardcastle, the genius behind "The Thing" and "The Raid" with claymation cats,  tells us the story of a child that's afraid to use the toilet. This short was picked in a contest hosted by Drafthouse Films; you can check it out for yourself below.


V is for Vagitus
This one really took the ball and ran with it. Set in a dystopian future where childbirth is controlled by the people in power, we watch as a police officer and her GIANT ROBOTIC PARTNER WITH A FORE-ARM MOUNTED MINI-GUN break into a warehouse and start gunning people down. The crime? Having a child without government consent. There's a lot more to this short film that I won't spoil, but after all the other toilet humor and weirdness, this one was a breath of fresh air.

So what about the rest? Well some are mediocre, some are OK, and many are just plain... f*cked.... up. Noboru Iguchi's "F is for Fart" is insanely bizarre and had me staring slack-jawed at the screen. Timo Tjahjanto's "L is for Libido" is perhaps the most f*cked up short in the entire anthology. A guy is stuck in a life-or-death game where he has to masturbate and reach climax before his competitor. The thing is, they have to whack-off to some truly disturbing stuff, like masturbating amputees and child rape. It's really disturbing and shocking and kind of left a bad taste in my mouth.

"X is for XXL" features an overweight woman being brutally picked on by everyone that sees her. When she arrives home, she stuffs her face with food, then goes into the bathroom with a knife and begins hacking off her fatty flesh. Then there's "W is for WTF!" which totally lives up to its name, and "Z is for Zetsumetsu" which is full of mutants, penises, and capped off with a parody of "Dr. Strangelove."

Now I'm all for filmmakers taking a chance on making something different, and like I said earlier, the concept is really cool, but in the end "The ABCs of Death" just didn't do it for me. The good shorts are too few, and the majority of them are obsessed with bodily-fluids other than blood. It's a movie that'll have you laughing one minute, staring in shock another, and will ultimately have you asking "What the f*ck is wrong with Asians?!"

Do I recommend "The ABCs of Death?" No, not really, but there are a few diamonds in the rough so it isn't a total waste of two hours. In the end, it was all one gloriously failed experiment. There is definite room for improvement in the future though, and I am totally ready to embrace a followup film. But next time guys and gals, could you please toss more blood and less poop at the screen?

THE RED SKULL REVEALED; SPIDER-MAN PORNO TRAILER RELEASED; INITIAL THOUGHTS ON "THE GREEN LANTERN!"

Yikes, I've been blogging like crazy lately... I hope this urge to write constantly continues!

I just got in the door from seeing "Green Lantern," but before I get into that I'll share some cool movie news with ya'll. First up, here is a photo of Hugo Weaving as Captain America's stalwart nemesis, THE RED SKULL:

God he looks freakin' awesome! While I'm still not one-hundred percent sold on the look of Captain America's WWII costume, I have no complaints about the Red Skull.

Next up, here is the all new trailer for Vivid Entertainment's next Super-Hero Porno: SPIDER-MAN - THE XXX PARODY! Apparently Vivid did a HULK porno that got rave reviews, so they decided to continue bastardizing America's mythological heroes by having them bone the comic book gals us nerds always fantasized about.

The list of characters consists of Peter Parker/Spidey, The Kingpin (played by... Peter O'Tool? Hahahahaha!), Electro, Gwen Stacy, Mary Jane Watson, Betty Brant, Black Widow, J. Jonah Jameson, Robbie Robertson, and Flash Thompson. (There's no way Marvel would OK this, so I'm assuming they are utilizing the same law that allows Weird Al to parody the work of other musicians.) And this isn't some project done on the cheap folks... this is a full feature-length film, with hardcore sex and CGI f/x! I'm not kidding; watch the trailer:


Finally, before I head off to bed, let me chat a bit about "Green Lantern" while it is still fresh in my mind. I went into the theater with lowered expectations (thanks to a heads up from Newt from Underbelly) and that helped me to not hate this movie. At best, the "Green Lantern" is a mediocre superhero film that only succeeds in being an entertaining cinematic experience because of its failures. (There are a lot of scenes here that are supposed to be dramatic, but ended up giving the audience a good laugh.)

"This suit is too dull. Let's 'improve' it with a few million dollars worth of CGI!"

Ryan Reynolds stars as Hal Jordan, a cocky fighter-jet pilot who ends up getting a Green Lantern ring from a dying alien named Abin Sur. Hal eventually learns how to access the ring's power, and makes a trip to the planet Oa where the audience is given a bunch of expository information. (If you know absolutely nothing about The Green Lantern, this section of the film will get you up to speed.) He is told of the Lantern Corps origins, and briefly trained in combat by fellow "emerald knights," Kilowog and Sinestro.

After being defeated (i.e. humiliated) by Sinestro (who literally goes all Captain America on Hal at one point), our hero goes back to Earth to mope around until he gets a taste for superheroics and receives some tender advice from his love interest. Finally accepting his role as a Green Lantern, Hal must defend Earth not only from his first major foe, Hector Hammond (the lovechild of Professor X, John Carpenter, and The Elephant Man) but also an evil fear-devouring monstrosity known as Parallax. Will Hal be able to save Earth (and his girl) from the world-devouring Parallax? Will Sinestro foolishly try to utilize the power of the Yellow Ring if Hal fails in his mission? Truthfully, you probably won't really give a damn.

This movie will be a major letdown to the hardcore Green Lantern fans, and just plain "meh" for everyone else. (Except kids; they'll probably love the sh*t out of this movie.) The characters aren't really all that interesting (except for Peter Sarsgaard as Hector Hammond), the whole subplot involving Hal's psychological issues is pretty generic and handled rather clumsily, Blake Lively is cute to look at but doesn't prove to be much more than a damsel in distress, and the effects.... Christ the effects are really a mixed bag.

CAN YOU DIG IT?!

Mere months ago I saw Marvel's "THOR" and was blown away at how well that movie brought Asgard to life. It was done so well, and the film itself managed to find a good balance between spending time on Midgard (Earth) as well as Asgard. "Green Lantern" attempts to do the same, but fails miserably. And Oa, though cool to look at, seems more like something you'd see in a video game cut scene; it fails to pull you in and make you believe that it is a real place. Also, a lot of the CGI in this is laughable; you'd think the effects artists could have done a better job, especially when given some extra time and around nine-million to do some "touch up work" mere weeks before opening day.

Overall, "Green Lantern" is a lousy start for a new superhero franchise because it fails on so many levels. However the final battle between Hal and Parallax (the giant fecal space-octopus) is admittedly cool, and Peter Saarsgard gives a memorably goofy performance as the whiny big-brained Hector Hammond. (Sarsgaard is so over the top at times and results in many of the films unintentionally funny moments.) If you're dead set on seeing "Green Lantern," then I highly suggest you catch a matinee of it. Otherwise, save your money for next month's Summer blockbusters or, better yet, go see "Super 8" instead.

John Carpenter as The Elephant Man in "Green Lantern."

Oh yeah, I almost forgot! There is an extra scene that takes places shortly after the credits begin to roll. For those of you who know the Green Lantern mythos, you won't be surprised at what happens: Sinestro takes possession of the Yellow Lantern ring (that the Guardians stupidly created) and is engulfed by the power of FEAR! So Hal and the rest of the Green Lantern Corps will now have to contest with the "Sinestro Corps" if the sequel gets made... and it most likely will. Here's hoping that Warner Bros. and DC do a better job with the story and effects (and characters) the second time around.