Monday, June 25, 2012

Ask the Vault Master!

I don't know the answer to
THAT question!

Ever been curious about who I am, what it is that I do when I'm not glued to my computer screen, what my fave movies are, if I'm wearing pants, or how I started up The Vault? Well now is your chance to get an answer to all these questions and more when you ASK THE VAULT MASTER!

For the remainder of this week, send me any and all questions you may have, and I'll answer them via a Youtube video! You may post your inquiries in the comments section below, ask them on Facebook, or Twitter, or even go the really old-fashioned route and drop me a line at! Send in as many questions as you like and I'll answer them all to the best of my ability via video this weekend! I look forward to your queries; this should be fun!

Also, a lot of interest was shown when I mentioned doing an online group chat session while a bunch of us watched a movie. I'm currently trying to make that happen and will be posting more information on that when the details are all hammered out. In the meantime, toss a few questions my way, won't you?

Thursday, June 21, 2012


Before I tell you how you can win all TWELVE "Friday the 13th" movies on DVD (along with a Kane Hodder autograph!), allow me to once again remind all of you that the JOE ESTEVEZ GIVEAWAY is still going on until next Saturday (June 30th)! CLICK HERE for details! The winner gets a copy of the book "Joe Estevez: Wiping off the Sheen" signed by Joe Estevez himself, as well as a copy of SOULTAKER on DVD-R! Enter now because this month is moving by very quickly!

Now, moving on to my next contest (which will be the last big giveaway I have for some time.... you guys and gals are bankrupting me! Haha!), you read that correctly folks! I am indeed giving away ALL TWELVE "Friday the 13th" films on DVD! So how do you win this stack o' movies?! Well, I'm glad you asked! Prepare to do some work over the next three and a half weeks!

To enter, I want you to pretend you are pitching a new "Friday the 13th" movie to me, as if I were a producer at a major film company. It's your dream project and you think you've got a fresh idea to bring the franchise back in a big way, so you are DESPERATE to gain my approval. But I won't be easily swayed. Sure, maybe you've got a cool idea, but it'll take a bit more than a few ideas scribbled on paper to make me cough up the dough for your expensive "fan film."

So develop a really cool pitch about your dream "Friday the 13th" movie. Write up a synopsis or mini-treatment describing the story, characters, and crazy hijinks Mr. Voorhees (if he IS the real killer in your film) will get in to. Also, come up with a fake poster, or a fake trailer, or a storyboard, or concept art, etc. and really try to sell me on your idea. Will you make it a sequel? A remake? A reboot? A crossover? Will Jason battle or team up with other Horror villains? The sky is the limit!

To answer your next barrage of questions: E-mail your "movie pitches" to ON OR BEFORE JULY 13TH! As midnight strikes and we enter SATURDAY THE 14TH, I will be announcing a winner of this contest! Once again, if I choose your film pitch, you will be getting all twelve flicks that make up this crazy slasher franchise! (Plus a miniature Friday the 13th Part VIII poster signed by KANE HODDER!)

So get moving folks because you only have three weeks to pull this off! Good luck, and may the best slasher fan/future movie mogul win!


Saturday, June 9, 2012

Contemplating "Prometheus." WARNING: Major spoilers ahead!

Ok, before I venture forward, let me once again reiterate that there will be heavy spoilers ahead. If you haven't seen "Prometheus" and plan to, stop reading right now. This is sort of a heady sci-fi flick, and you can't get into the meat and potatoes of it without discussing some key plot points or moments from the film. So seriously, if you want to keep in the dark before you see the movie, then GO.... NOW! GET TO THE CHOPPA!

So "Prometheus....."  I have a love/hate relationship with it. I went into this movie expecting an "Alien" film. Well it isn't.... and yet it is. I think for that reason alone, it kind of turned me off. It's not a bad movie but it wasn't what I was expecting and because of that, I think I need to give it another look. So what do I mean by is and isn't? Well it takes place in the "Alien" (and supposedly "Blade Runner") universe, featuring the Weyland Corporation before it merged with Yutani. It also has some strange mutations that will instantly forge a connection between the creatures in this and the Xenomorphs that we are all familiar with.

With that said though, this movie is its own beast entirely. Though the origins of our beloved penile-skullled Xenomorphs are briefly touched upon (more on this in a minute), the film is mainly focused on a group of scientists seeking out the truth behind humanity's origins. After discovering, what basically amounts to a "star map" at various archaeological sites, scientists Charlie Holloway (Logan Marshall-Green) and Elizabeth Shaw (Noomi Rapace) manage to get funding for a two year trip through space to find out the secret behind the ancient "invitation." (Courtesy of a one, Peter Weyland, played by Guy Pearce.)

Things naturally do not go well for the doomed expedition once they discover a chamber within an alien ship, full of jars that contain a black sludge. Said mystery goo turns out to be a powerful and fast-acting mutagen that can corrupt and mutate any lifeform it comes into contact with.

Now rewind to the opening of the film where an alien being, a pale-skinned humanoid (with the body of a Herculean demigod) stands above a raging waterfall on an undisclosed planet. (Most likely Earth.) The being (later referred to as an "Engineer") drinks some of the aforementioned black goo and suffers a cellular breakdown. The creature falls into the water and melts away to a cellular level, and we get a quick glimpse of some DNA strands coming together underwater. Though it has given its life in the pursuit of ... something.... (science?) the being has now created new life! The DNA code was transferred to other living organisms through the water, and theoretically jump-started evolution on Planet Earth, which eventually leads to us becoming the dominant species on the third rock from the sun.

This opening scene, coupled with the theories of the film's main scientific protagonists, suggests that The Engineers created humanity. Naturally, Charlie and Elizabeth want to know why, but as the opening scene dictates, humanity's very existence may have just been a fluke; a side effect of testing a dangerous substance that may or may not be a bio-weapon.

Also, according to various cave drawings across the world, humanity worshiped these advanced beings, who left at some point early in our history and never returned.They left our prehistoric ancestors to their own devices and left behind a map to a far off galaxy.

While the map is guessed to be a sort of invitation, the crew of the Prometheus eventually discover that A.) black goo = horrifying death by transmogrification and B.) that there is still an Engineer alive on LV-233 and it is none too happy when awakened from its cryo-sleep. It is also discovered that the angry being plans on taking a trip to Earth with a stockpile of black "muta-goo." For some reason, the extraterrestrials who made us now want to eradicate us?

After taking all of this in, I came up with a theory. The Engineers did not mean to make us, and perhaps at first, were elated that they had created a life form in their own image (some "God was an ancient astronaut" themes going on here). However, perhaps THEY were the dominant species out in space and worried that one day, humanity, their darling little mistake, would gain the ability to leave Earth and colonize other worlds and become their equal, or at the very least, challenge their power. Therefore, they left coordinates to their stockpile of killer muta-goo behind as a test. If humanity could figure out the map, and travel to LV-233, then that would mean that we as a species have evolved enough to pose a problem. The only thing left to do after that would be to visit Earth and contaminate the water supplies with the mutagen and keep us in check, either by complete extermination, or by turning us back into primordial beasties. This would be the Engineers' final solution in maintaining their power across the galaxies.

 That was the main thing that has been buzzing around my skull since I saw the movie, but I'd be remiss if I didn't discuss the portions of the film that directly figure into the "Alien" mythology. First off, like humanity, the Xenomorphs are definitely a genetic mistake. In the film, some worms get coated in the black goo that causes all the trouble and woes for the film's intrepid scientific team. The mutagen causes the inch-long critters to become two foot terrors. The monster worms latch onto their prey, and constrict their muscles so powerfully that they can break bones. They also like to hop into open orifices (particularly mouths) and have acid for blood.

Later in the film, Charlie Holloway is infected with the muta-goo by David, partially done out of scientific curiosity, and partially done out of spite because Charlie was always being a dick towards the android. Needless to say, things do not go well for Charlie (flamethrowers are involved) but he does manage to make "the sex" with Dr. Shaw before he is incinerated. By doing this, he genetically passed some mutant genes into his lover, causing her to get super-pregnant, super fast, with a four-limbed squid monster! Using a surgical machine, Dr. Shaw removes the fetus from her belly and supposedly destroys it. Later in the film, when she is trapped on a "life boat" with the enraged Engineer (made all the angrier after his ship was knocked out of the sky), she discovers that her dead "baby" is now a very alive and HUGE vagina-faced sex-topus, which she cunningly unleashes on the attacking Engineer.

Dr. Shaw escapes but we get to watch as the mighty "space jockey" grapples with the grotesque mutant until it finally manages to shove a huge ovipositor down his throat. Incapacitated, the Engineer collapses to the floor with the enormous "proto-facehugger" on top of him. Now this is where I think they screwed up with the movie.

At the very end, we get to see the FIRST ever (?) Xenomorph burst out of the Engineer's chest. This is cool and all and firmly ties it into the rest of the "Alien" universe but.... the creature is fully developed?! It doesn't go through the weird snake/tadpole chestburster stage, but comes out whole with all its limbs intact. (And judging by the way it opens its mouth.... it's a queen?)

I know this is the proto-Xenomorph, but it kind of upset me that they skipped one crucial part of its developmental process. Also, its appearance at the very end of the film is sort of pointless. In my opinion, the creature should have come into play earlier, or just been left out altogether. Word on the street says that this will be a trilogy, so they definitely could have left the proto-Xenomorph out of the proceedings altogether. Then again you gotta cater to the fans and get extra butts into those theater seats, right?

Also, the existence of the proto-Xeno opens up new questions and possibilities. Seeing as how Dr. Shaw and David commandeer an Engineer vessel and go to seek out humanity's creators/destroyers (not to wipe THEM out before they can destroy us, but to ask why they are so keen on our destruction), one has to wonder that if there are other ships, (according to David, there are many) then are there any more surviving Engineers on them? If there is, and if the newborn Xenomorph is a queen.... then we may have our setup for "Alien." What if there are more Engineers, and what if they are systematically impregnated by the latest bastard child to be created by their toxic muta-goo? And what if one of them manages to pilot a ship out of the atmosphere and crash land on a godforsaken rock that will eventually be labeled as LV-426?

This is all pure conjecture on my part, but I had to get this out there because I've been thinking (i.e. obsessing) over this movie all day. I didn't care for it, but damn it.... "Prometheus" really got my synapses firing. I'm thinking of giving it a second go in another week or two, mainly because it seems like everyone else loves it. Will my opinion of it change now that I know what to expect? If it does, you can find out for sure by following me on Facebook or Twitter.

If you saw "Prometheus" (which I'm assuming you did if you got this far) feel free to post your thoughts on the film (and on my ramblings) below. Also feel free to share any insights and theories you have about the film, the "Alien" universe, and what FOX's next move with the franchise is! Thanks for reading b-movie fans!

Tuesday, June 5, 2012


In my last post I mentioned this here Joe Estevez book that just came out. (Mainly that I got quoted on the back of it. Still can't believe it, though my eyes tell me it's true! Haha.) Not only have I read through it (which I will be doing again because I plan on typing up a review of it) but I've also acquired a second copy that I am ready to hand off to one lucky winner in this month's JOE ESTEVEZ GIVEAWAY!

 If you want to win a copy of this book (which will come with a few other Joe Estevez-related goodies) here's how you can enter for a chance to win it:

Send an e-mail to me at with JOE ESTEVEZ GIVEAWAY (or anything similar) in the subject line. In the body of your e-mail include your name, full mailing address, AND briefly tell me about a sibling of a famous actor/actress that you would like to see get more respect, exposure, and/or roles in major motion pictures. (e.g. FRANK STALLONE!)

The cut-off for entries is June 30th, so send them in ASAP and cross your fingers. A winner will be chosen at random on July 1st; the prize(s) will be shipped the following day! Good luck and may The Estevez be with you!