Torture the Vault Master 3D!

Just in time for the holidays, I present a gift to all of you dedicated readers out there: For the third time in my site's nine-year run, you can choose the 3D film I will have to suffer through! Voting is open to the public and will end halfway through December. The resulting review should be up just in time for Christmas! So what are you waiting for? CLICK HERE and pick my three-dimensional cinematic poison!

The "Godmonster of Indian Flats" gets hogtied at the Vault!

Three months ago, readers and visitors alike chose "Godmonster of Indian Flats" in the second Torture the Vault Master poll. For those of you who picked this cinematic atrocity I hereby curse you! While it wasn't the worst thing I've ever witnessed, it was pretty damn bad and I definitely suffered through it. But was it bad enough? Hell no! I can take worse abuse, and you'll get your chance to dish out more in the third "Torture the Vault Master Poll." (Which may become a quarterly tradition if it gains in popularity.)

Here is the trailer for this awful cinematic atrocity:

Expect my old (and updated) review for "Army of Darkness" to pop up on the site tomorrow night, along with a new edition of the BMFV's weekly Genre Watch!

And just so you know: "My Name is Bruce" and "Chocolate" hit DVD and Blu-ray tomorrow! Woohoo!

UPDATE: "Army of Darkness" and this week's Genre Watch have been delayed by my intense urge to watch a Friday the 13th movie. Expect that stuff to pop up on the site very soon!

The Vault Master shall "Fear No Evil!"

Well I've survived round one of "Torture the Vault Master" and have posted a rather lengthy review (with screencaps!) for FEAR NO EVIL. This movie turned out to be a cakewalk and wasn't nearly as bad as I had previously recalled. However, that doesn't mean that it is a good film by any stretch. There's plenty of homosexual undertones in this bad boy, but they are easy to ignore because there is so much weirdness going on in this movie.

We get one bloody baptism, one death by dodgeball scene, a dude who magically grows breasts, an effeminate transvestite Antichrist, a small horde of zombies, heavenly animated death rays, and an awesome 80's soundtrack! So head on over and read my review and stay tuned for more updates at the Vault!

Oh and just in case you weren't paying attention.... 11 more days until Halloween! WOOHOO!

Torture the Vault Master - ROUND 2!

As of my typing this, I am currently in the early stages of writing my review for "Fear No Evil." I'm going to work hard to get it completed and uploaded sometime this weekend and truthfully, I ended up liking this movie a lot more than I could have imagined. But as the saying goes, if at first you don't succeed, try, try again.

That is why an all new "Torture the Vault Master" poll is set up in the Vault forums! I've kept two of the more popular choices from the last poll, but overall, this is a whole new list of bad movies for you to choose from. CLICK HERE to begin casting your votes, and seriously, pick something that could cause me considerable pain.

Voting will end at midnight on Halloween night; the review for your bad movie of choice will follow soon after. Happy voting b-movie fans; I'll blog ya later!

Update on "Torture the Vault Master" review.

Well I just sat through "Fear No Evil" to take my notes and.... I enjoyed the movie. Yeah, I know, I'm shocked too. I added it to the "Torture the Vault Master" poll because I hated the movie after my initial viewing so many years ago. But I guess my taste in film has dramatically changed because I liked this Godforsaken film. I'm going to give it another go tomorrow with the commentary turned on; I should start typing up my review on Wednesday, and plan on having it done and posted by this weekend.

UPDATE - 10/05/08: I am currently in the process of writing the review. Had I not been helping my parents with various home improvement / winter readiness projects, you would be reading my "Fear No Evil" review right this very second. (Sometimes sacrifices must be made.) So hopefully, you can expect to see said tardy review pop up at the Vault late Tuesday night. Stay tuned for further updates.

Sorry folks, I thought you really were going to torture me, but instead, you managed to give me an all new outlook on a film I once hated with a passion. Oh well, maybe next time the movie you pick will cause me some major pain. G'night b-movie fans!

The "Torture the Vault Master" poll results are in!

ARGH! The combined results are in for the first ever "Torture the Vault Master" poll and it appears that I'll be suffering through the homo-erotic horror that is "Fear No Evil." I've watched this turkey once before and was a bit put off by this story of a young teen that finds out that A) he is the antichrist and B) likes to kiss boys in the shower. Blech!

For those who were curious, here are the exact number of votes that each film received:
The Alien Dead - 1 vote
Blood Tide - 3 votes
The Demon - 1 vote
Fear No Evil - 6 votes
House of the Dead - 3 votes
Monster Shark - 5 votes
Puppet Master vs. Demonic Toys - 4 votes
Raptor - 1 vote
Ultracop 2000 - 1 vote

While I'm not exactly thrilled to reviewing "Fear No Evil," I figure I got off lucky considering how bad some of the other films listed above are. And although a mere 25 votes were cast (within a month's time mind you), I'm thinking of making "Torture the Vault Master" a permanent fixture at the Vault. I've also been brainstorming on some new ideas for the site and hope to implement them before September is through. Mum's the word for now, but I assure you that the new sections I'm planning will really help put the Vault on the map.

So stay tuned for some new updates b-movie fans and, as always, be sure to "Keep fighting the good fight for fellow b-movie lovers everywhere!"

Torture the Vault Master + upcoming reviews.

Hey b-movie fans! Have you ever wanted to inflict a bad movie on a b-movie webmaster? Well here is your chance! I have selected NINE bad movies and have posted a poll here on the blog (top right corner of the page) and one HERE in the Forum. All you need to do is vote for what film I should review, or films if, God help me, there is a tie between one or more titles. Voting is open to the public and will continue all through the month of August, so cast your votes now!

Also, stay tuned for a capsule review for Takashi Miike's wonderfully bizarre superhero film, "Zebraman!" I have everything ready to go for the update, I just need to sit down and write the review. Expect that to pop up on the site later this weekend.

And also expect a new full-length review in two weeks for the lost 80's slasher classic, "The Burning," which will be part of the "What I Did On My Summer Vacation" roundtable. This mini-roundtable event will appear online between August 15th - 17th, so keep an eye out for that!

That's it for now b-movie fans, so enjoy the rest of your weekend and keep fighting the good fight!